Wednesday, November 26


And no I'm not talking about Bootsy Collins or George Clinton.

Something about this time of year. The end of light and the descent into the dark. Shorter days, when the earth goes silent and still. It makes me a little sad. Yes I know spring will come, as she always does. There is just something about this "between" time. Less light, tones of brown and gray, colder weather and less critters running around. Less of life to celebrate.

I suppose that is why thanksgiving is at the end of November and the ancients chose winter solstice to hold their welcome back light ceremonies. To gather our families and enjoy the "wealth" of our love. But what if there is no one to gather? Maybe you are so far apart from your loved ones either emotionally or physically you see them? or when you do gather you can only be happy with half of them. What are you celebrating then?

I feel like I am at this weird turning point in my life. Last year it was so sudden, out of left field and traumatizing I am not sure if its worth going through again. Hopefully it won't, being human you never know. This time it feels more to do with me. I no longer feel as though I am contributing to society as a whole. Whatever that means.

My creativity is gone. I haven't even dusted off my sewing machine in over a year. I'm knitting, but only out of obligation to my mother. Its a nice piece but I am bored with it, I've made it twice now. I don't want to read. Life feels the same whether I'm sleeping(when I can get to sleep) or awake. The Internet bores me. I don't want to draw, carve, glue, paint or even *gasp* cook. I get these intense urges to pack everything up and move away from this horrible valley. I feel worthless, unloved and incredibly non-sexy(no suicide, don't worry). I know I'm loved and cared about but it doesn't seem to matter.

Oh who knows. Maybe I'm just an honorary member of the poor pity me society. It could be SAD, been meaning to pick up some of those full spectrum lights. Sigh. Whatever. Pity party police have showed up, can you hear the sirens? WWWWAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

1 comment:

Karen said...

I used to get that feeling too, but I knew what caused mine. I truly don't enjoy the company of the people in my extended family. We nothing in common but our blood. That is one of the reasons I sold the house and ran away, but not the only one.

Now, I talk to them on the if I do start to miss them, and that is enough to remind my why I am no longer there.